second life, second chance…

Edits: none
Location: nueva ecija

Sorry for the lack of updates the past few days and for not answering some comments both on the post and on the tagboard.

I almost died a few weeks ago and I’m currently recuperating… Picture this – pizza, movie and unconscious body lying in the bathroom. Scary isn’t it!? Well that’s exactly what happened. I had a serious misunderstanding with my folks early in the morning that pissed me. I then decided to hangout on my cousin’s pad just to breathe, catch some fresh air and think. I always, always have some fun when I’m with them. Late in the afternoon, we decided to watch some dvd just to pass the time. I was there, lying on the floor and eating pizza, enjoying the movie together with my cousins when I decided to go to the bathroom. I felt light-headed at this point then….. total blackout! oblivion! Darkness! It’s as if I was blinded. Mere words cannot comprehend what I felt and what I had gone through. I somehow managed to open my eyes but everything’s blurry. I had no idea where I was and it’s as if it was the first time that I opened my eyes. I hurriedly looked for the door and my cousins were in utter shocked when they saw me. They told me that they heard a thunderous thud while I was in the bathroom and that they were knocking on the door. Frightened and concerned, they dunno what to do, what to say and what to feel. This is the first time that this sh*t happened to me and frankly I was surprised myself. At that time, I kept on telling god (because I really felt that I was dying) “please, please dear god can you at least extend my life? There’s a reason for me to live and fight now! She needs me and I made a promise to her. Please dear god, not now! There are still some things that I need to do but if this is indeed my time, my last wish will be for liezl to be happy – to be alright. I wish that their lives will be ok, that I will bear all their problems and take them with me in my grave.” I kept on repeating these words over and over again and even in my condition, I managed to send a couple of SMS to liezl. Then it hit me, I realized that I must live and fight in order to not break my promise to her. I fought the urge of throwing up and falling to sleep with just liezl in my mind.

I was rushed in the ER as soon my body can take it and the doctor told us that it was due to anxiety. They also found something else – that I have a 19,000 white blood cell count. What does that mean? Well, it basically tells us that I maybe a candidate for having a leukemia in the near future (I think). The normal white blood cell count will be within the 10,000 range and 15-,000 - 17,000 white blood cell count for anemic dudes (I think).

Against all these odds, I’ll still live and will continue to fight. I will cherish every second, every moment with liezl for she is the reason why am still fighting right now… why am still alive…