Thinking hard but not inspired

I’ve a god – given gift when it comes to writing: composing an essay, sonnet or even a couple of lyrics for a song… I love to write! It is how I release what I cannot express through spoken words. I am the first one to admit that, most of the times, words come out of nowhere and the next thing I knew, I’ve completed yet another masterpiece, but there are those rare occasions when I am in a deep slump. What does that mean!? Well basically am forcing the words in my compositions. Am tryin so hard to compose sumthin and in the end I’ve gotten a “frustrated masterpiece” which doesn’t encompass my emotions as a whole (and often doesn’t reflect how I felt). This “slump stage” rarely comes but when it does, am in this “frustrated stage” for a couple of months – can’t think of anything to say nor write… then suddenly I asked myself, “what is missing? How come I can’t compose anything?”.. the answer is quiet simple and you don’t need an IQ of 500 to notice it – I am thinking so hard for the right words to say but I am not inspired! I might have the topic, the picturesque scenery and the words to say but what’s lacking is the emotion, the passion on that certain event.

When you are at the lowest and highest point of your life, it is the best time to just let your emotions take over you! It may or may not do you good but this is the time when a person is at his best: when vulnerable or depressed, on the verge of victory and success you’ll see and feel a different you when you learn to let go and chill…

a troo stori

" there is no remedy for love but to love more..." - henry david Thoreau

there comes a time in a man's life, like once or twice max, that he meets someone in his entire career and for no reason the more they spend time together, the more he/they realized that their friendship deepens. given enough time, friendship will develop in a special relationship that no one can ever shatter. this particular lad felt what i'm talkin about, as such he was overwhelmed on what he is feeling for her that he can't contain it and keep it all to himself. the lad told the lass a snippet of how he feels for her and for being so bold that he is, he was given the chance to prove his worth, to prove himself to her... so that is what the lad did - he spend everytime and every moment that he possibly can with the lass and they were havin fun (i could tell for i was there) - foolin around, helpin the lass with some of the stuff, goin here and there and just being together and savoring and enjoying their moment... everythin was like a dream, it was all too perfect and when the lad thought that he had proven his worth, a change of pace, a change of fate and a change of heart occurred. what was once happy turned to a frown, all the enjoyment was upside down and everythin he knew was now long gone. the fact that he love(d) her so much is the main reason why he tried to reason out with the lass... and tried... and tried... and tried but to no avail... for the past month and a half, a little over a dozen question mark was on the lad's head including the biggest question: what the hell was the problem?! but only sighs of woe and disappointments was the lad's answer to all of these... the longer he felt this (until at the present) the deeper the cut would seem, the deeper the feelings sink in, the faster the surge is flowing... the lad realized that all the things around him was of no importance, all the things that he does and still is doing are worthless. the lad asked himself "why?! what's wrong with me?" and then he realized that when the lass left him, she took his entire being, his entire world with her and it just pains me to see him suffering like this! i told the lad "what if you're the only one feelin this way while she's out there enjoying herself and doesn't give a sh*t about you or your feelings for her?", the lad gave me a serious, deep look but said not a word and in that instance i dunno whether to feel sorry or to sympathize with the lad... there comes a time when the lad will just push the play button on the player and out of nowhere it would seem that he'll be in the alternate world or sumthin relating to every word of almost any songs... the lad's favorite, a few lines from evanescence's "my immortal" that goes -
if you have to leave, i wish that you would just leave coz your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.... there's just too much that time cannot erase, and the other one - i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone..... oh and i remember this one from "melodies of life" by emiko shiratori - our paths they did cross but i cannot say just why... we met, we laughed, we held on fast and then we said goodbye...." the lad was torturing himself, in a state of denial and stuck in his past and somehow, someway he enjoys that and there's no other time and place that he'd rather be than there... i know how the lad feels about the girl, i've seen it when they are together, I've seen way the lad cares for her.. he loved her as if there was no tomorrow for him... though there were problems not only with their relationship but also within the lad's zone, he never did show this to her, in fact he was very good at concealing it (he even fooled me), i think he did this in order to make the lass happy and keep their relationship intact coz that was what all he wanted - that at the end of the day he can see his lass smiling and happy then all will be aight... now he looks miserable (i swear!!), he's not quite what he was before and up to this point the lad still ain't got a clue on how to live and how to continue his life, but one thing is certain on the lad's mind - he'll just be here, one step behind the lass catching her when she falls (if she'll ever fall which I highly doubt), he's willing to wait and wating for the lass just like what he did a few years back... the lad vows that his feelings for the lass will never ran out (much like before) and love her all the ways the lad can and expects nothin in return (much like before)... this part i don't understand, why is he or someone else for that matter willing to wait with no certainty that… you know.... the lad can't hide that it hurts - similar in burning in hell - but like in the movies if they are meant to be then it is and time will find a way for both of them... (bull!!) i suddenly said to the lad "this is bull, this is madness and absurd" then he sez to me that he read once in a book that
if love is not madness it is not love at all.. why is he doing all of these?! waiting with no certainty none whatsoever?! a simple explanation from him - you can never teach the/your heart to stop lovin someone you hold so dear in your life...

OUR STAY HERE ON THIS SOIL IS SHORT (THINK ABOUT IT), NOW ASK YOURSELF "ARE YOU GIVIN YOUR LOVE TO SOMEONE WHO TOTALLY DESERVES IT?"

point to ponder: LOVE DOESN'T MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND, IT IS LOVE THAT MAKES THE RIDE ENJOYABLE AND WORTHWHILE....

Suggestion: try to listen in the song BROKEN SONNET (by hale) while reading piece of garbage… the best!!!!!!

fun with the boys

A couple of things transpired this last weekend that served as oxygen to my dying body… I did a school rumble (anime) marathon this Saturday and I just can’t get enough of it!! I like the humor that this anime depicts on each and every episode as well as the lives of certain students: the conflicts and every circumstance that they get into! As I watched the anime, I always sez to myself “I’ll just watch 3-4 episode for today” but the ending is that I finished season and is halfway of season 2 -_-;… am so into the series that am humming the opening and ending theme song (season 2) so if anybody knows the title and artist of the song, please do let me know ^__^… the school rumble experience wouldn’t be complete without…. wallpapers!!! I downloaded 20+ wallpapers of school rumble as well as code geass…

For more info on school rumble, check this out: school rumble

Monday is declared as a special holiday here in the Philippines so we had somewhat of a long vacation and I seized this opportunity by meeting up with my friends… it’s been a while since we last saw each other and it’s a very rare instance when everybody’s there. The main reason for this meeting (aside to catch up on things) is because a friend’s mother will be returning to Switzerland… she is considered as the mama of the group and she takes care of us really well so it’s a somewhat our tribute to her since it will be a while before we can see her again… probably the biggest improvement on our group is karding, who is actually doing some 3-d rendering!! I was like “sugoi-ness!!!”… I always wanted to do some 3d modeling and create my own character *sigh*… as the day was about to end, a friendly cosplay banter turned into some serious discussion… I’ve always wanted to cosplay (and its one of the to-do list) but never had it been discussed in such a serious manner… same as me, karding is also thinking about cosplaying on the coming event on april 5-6 as a group cosplay… one problem – we are all noobs, doesn’t know how to make a costume and the cosplay deadline is nearing… we had a couple of options as to who we will be come cosplay: 1) akatsuki (naruto) 2)ultraman 3)bioman 4)sentai… nothing’s final yet and I dunno if we’ll make it come april 5-6 but we’ll do our best ^__^…

When I am with those guys, I dunno how the day will go and am clueless on what the ending will be. We always, always have a blast when we are together, setting aside all of the pressure, angst and heartache and even on that single day, we are just a bunch of boys havin some good ol’ clean fun…