return to innocence

edits: none
location: nueva ecija

It’s been a while since I last set foot on eden – an epitome of solitude and serenity aptly named by 2 individuals. It’s been a while since I was lost in awe by the grandeur of the sunset’s orange haze. But most notably, it’s been a while since I last look at jeni the way I’m looking at her right now.

Jeni’s more than a friend; she’s more than a cohort. She’s the first to captivate my fragile, unstable heart and hold it in her warm and sweaty palms. I’ve written a post about her somewhere in here but that too was put in a miserable cryogenic slumber. She knows me very well and she can read me like a map that is why I am reluctant as I look into her eyes and her to mine. I didn’t even have the guts of talking to/about jeni if it weren’t for shan (yes! You remember him. Our protagonist in one kiss… one last time). I mustered all the courage I can gather and asked jeni for a stroll, much like reliving what was. Her innocent emerald eyes were lock deep into mine only to shy away from my humble request. Upon knowing this, I heard a couple of brittle parts in my body crack and cry. Frozen by perhaps utter disbelief and shock, the entity within me refused to digest what just happened. I cannot and will not accept any more rejection – not from the one that I love. I tried to keep myself in check – to act calm and collected but was soon followed by an enormous disappointing sigh. Like a fallen wrestler in the squared circle, I agonizingly turned my back from her but with my head still held up high. As I was about to take my eighth step towards the exit, I heard some subtle footsteps right behind me. I stopped, slowly turned around and saw my jeni in all her glamour as the wind accentuates her hair and the fragrance of the orchids playfully dances with the smile of both her eyes and lips.

We went to the subdivision’s clubhouse and sat on a nearby bench. This very same bench was where 2 individuals usually convene just to laze, talk and fool around. It is also in this bench where the 2 individuals made a pact – that they’ll be at each other’s side through hell and back. Knowing this intimate secret and the significance of the setting, Jeni felt especially uncomfortable and timid but I assured her that my eyes are only meant for her, especially for her. I realized that we have a lot of grounds to cover so I wasted little time to be in the story-teller-man mode. Jeni and I sat on that very same bench as I fired the opening salvo.

I started blabbering about tina. Tina’s the one helping me recuperate one baby step at a time. I gave her my trust, my time and my laugh. I appointed her as the one to brighten up my day, make me feel light and ecstatic. She single-handedly came up with the rainbow mails with which we talk about a lot of things. The more time I talk to her and the more time we exchange views, the more I became fond of her. At first, the rainbow mails were just a way to pass some time, but it became more than that as the day progresses. In mere days, she instantly became my harle and I was her joker; I was his topak and she was my toyo. She became an infinitely vital part of my day and my life that a day without her is totally meaningless. I didn’t hold back and told her how I feel – how empty it would be for me should I not hear from her even for a day. She understands and was sympathetic but we both understand, even without a written contract nor spoken words, that in due time, she will eventually need some rest. She was my bully and I was her scammer. Our personalities clash and yet we seamlessly complement one another. I was so engross of talking about my harle that by the time I took a glimpse in jeni’s eyes, I knew exactly what she was thinking which was then followed by somewhat of a devilish smirk.

Sunset is especially beautiful during these times. The clouds are covered with golden orange hue as they reflect on jeni’s emerald eyes.

“I love you so much jeni” suddenly came out of my mouth. It’s not that I don’t mean it, it’s just we were both caught of guard by the words, that I myself uttered. As she was getting ready to fix her hair into a ponytail, she caught me staring at her. Jeni’s the type that has the potential to standout in the crowd and top that with the fact that she’s friendly, I’ll give her that credit. But for some reason, she chose to stay with me in this god-forsaken journey toward oblivion.

As the sun was bidding adieu, I told her one important addition in my life – her name was leexl(li-sh'l). Leexl and I are yet to make beautiful music together and we’re just starting to feel each other. I, for one, admit that we are just on that friendship stage. I really and intimately wanna know her – who she is, what she’s like and how we can work things out.

“xieg, happiness is an understatement right now for me. I missed you so much and I longed for you. This leexl, make sure that she’s really worth your time. Make sure that this time around, she won’t falter nor ignore you. I love you so much and I pray that this leexl will love you as much, if not more than, as I do.” Jeni quipped.

I reached for jeni’s hand and felt the warmth that I almost forgot and I thought was forever lost.

“I’m back jeni.”