a dialogue with liezl: prologue to the end

edits: none
Previously
After buying all the paraphernalia that we would need, Liezl (Gab) and I took a midnight stroll to god-only-knows-where. I just told her that I love to write and I am poet in my own right. I gave her a taste of my creative speaking prowess but she was utterly disappointed. Right now, we are on an elevated ground where we can see the cosmetics the different buildings are wearing.

You can read the full story here.

12:48 a.m.
“simply breath taking” was all the words I can utter upon seeing the magnificent grandiose unfolding right before me. I spread my arms as wide as I can, closed my eyes shut and took a huge gulp of air to fill my senses. As if on cue, the wind suddenly blew right past by my face and for the first time in that entire night, my restless soul was finally put at ease. I slowly tucked my arms and opened my eyes – now wearing a better perspective on things. I turned my attention to Liezl with a seemingly rejuvenated faith. I can see her eyes glimmering from afar as the gap between us, literally and figuratively speaking, was slowly eradicating. I was now standing right in front of her, pause for a moment, and savor the sudden rush from the air that we both share. Slowly, my head moves forward until my cheek graced hers.

“thank you so much gab!” I whispered in one of the most humbling experiences I’ve ever felt.

Liezl was all too quiet while her eyes were tightly shut. I backed away to give back her personal space. I saw her took a chunk of air herself as she slowly opened her eyes. She didn’t say any word but I couldn’t and would never forget how she looked (at me). When she opened her eyes, she grabbed my right hand and “dragged” me towards a rusty and soiled bench.

1:18 a.m.
As awkward for me as it is, her head somehow found its way toward my shoulder. She’s leaning on me, depending on my shoulder for something intangible.

Jxmn: is something wrong?
Liezl: *in a hush tone*
Liezl: everything’s perfect.
Jxmn: then why are you like that?
Liezl: like what?
Jxmn: why are you so quiet all of a sudden?
Liezl: let solitude linger for both of us even just for a heart beat.

Emotional!? Yes! Sentimental!? Most definitely! Being true to liezl’s request, we just let time flew in perfect harmony, in resounding solitude.

1:48 a.m.
Half-alive, I suddenly found myself strumming liezl’s string of locks while she’s humming to the tune of Marc Enfoy’s Wistful Thinking. Whether in a trance or not, I saw a shooting star in rapid succession. I opened my mouth but the words themselves didn’t want to come out to not spoil our moment.

Jxmn: gab….
Liezl: hhhhmmmm?
Jxmn: my heart’s about to burst with all the witnesses that we have here.
Liezl: hhhhmmm?
Jxmn: look above you, look at the stars. They bear witness to where we are and what we are doing. They are heaven’s watchful eyes when the sun finally sings its lullaby.
Liezl: heaven?
Jxmn: not heaven, heaven but heaven as in the vast sky.
Liezl: that’s deep. I am now beginning to see you in a different viewpoint. You’re very, very different from the jex that I found in SM Mall of Asia.
Jxmn: hold that thought gab…

I hold liezl’s delicate head and slowly moved my deadly weapon of a shoulder away. My left hand can now feel the warmth of her right cheek, seeing eye to eye and sharing the same air once again as we both breathe. The grass-laden “field” danced to the tune of the soothing wind which made liezl’s elating scent lingers in the air all the way down to the rusty and soiled bench.

I pulled away from the bench and from liezl’s presence towards her mazda 6. There, I picked up a couple of red horse beer and a few chips for us to share. I then realized that I don’t drink – I have a very low alcohol tolerance level and gets easily wasted. I started to think and my feet agreed by refusing to walk – I then questioned my sanity and tried to run through and manipulate the events and scenarios that’s been happening until it eventually became acceptable to me.

Jxmn: here….
Liezl: I thought you don’t drink.
Jxmn: might as well right!? Besides, I can’t afford to have you wasted. Who would give me a ride home at this hour!?
Jxmn: *laughs*
Liezl: *quiet*
Jxmn+liezl: *opens a pair of booze, both quiet, both sitting next to each other.*
Jxmn: wish I brought my speakers. The only thing missing now is music and we can actually call this our first date.
Jxmn: *laughs*
Liezl: *quiet + took a sip of red horse*
Jxmn: ne, what’s wrong?! Did I miss anything?
Liezl: *took another gulp*
Jxmn: for sure you ain’t wasted yet so speak up.
Liezl: *looks at jxmn*
Jxmn: what!? Do I have something on my face?
Liezl: I hate you!
Jxmn: huh!? Wha?! What I do?
Liezl: I don’t want you here.
Jxmn: *startled + stunned + jaw drop*
Liezl: I really hate you!
Jxmn: then you shouldn’t have talked to me at Mall of Asia. You shouldn’t have asked me to fix the gun. You shouldn’t have…….
Liezl: *interrupts jxmn*
Liezl: I want the jxmn I was with a couple of heart beats ago.
Jxmn: *speechless*
Liezl: I want him! The one that touched my face. The one that whispered in my ear. The one I lean on.
Jxmn: *drinks some more*
Liezl: for a moment there, I saw past your “angas” look. Why do you have to play it cool?
Jxmn: gab…………
Liezl: ……….
Jxmn: I thank you for bringing me here, for uplifting my beaten body. I like you, I like you a lot and I love you so much because you made me smile and made me happy.
Liezl: *turned her eyes away from jxmn and looks at horizon beyond.*
Jxmn: it’s just that, I am afraid of getting and being comfortable with anybody else.
Liezl: *in a hush tone*
Liezl: why?
Jxmn: bad things happen
Liezl: try me
Jxmn: ooohhh gab…. You are the most revered and the highest amongst all the angels
Liezl: just try me
Jxmn: *deep breath*

2:08 a.m.
Jxmn: I’ve asked this to a dozen people already and I’m gonna ask you now. Look up in the sky, what do you see?
Liezl: moon, stars, planes
Jxmn: stars. Why do you think they’re there? I mean what’s their use?
Liezl: *thinks*
Jxmn: I’ve asked numerous people already and got different opinions – ranging from the most common to the totally bizarre and unpredictable.
Liezl: the stars represent the ones that we love as well as those who need us.
Jxmn: hhmmm… never heard that one before.
Liezl: those fainted and on the brink of disappearing are those that need us while those shine the brightest are the people we love. Look! See that star over there!? That one! The one next to that one!? That star is you! That’s who you are in my life. You’re burning really bright. You hardly notice the star beside that one – which is me.
Jxmn: wait. You’re the faint one? Why? How come?
Liezl: because I need you to keep me in check – to keep me illuminating amidst all the uncertainties and adversaries.
Jxmn: *holds gab’s hand*
Jxmn: gab, I’ll always be here for you. Come hell or high water, I’ll never leave you and I’ll never let anything or anyone shut you off.
Liezl: never make promises you can’t keep.
Jxmn: I know! And I have no intention of letting that happen
Liezl: *smile*
Liezl: I’ll hold on to your word then
Jxmn: that’s a promise.

2:38 a.m.
Liezl: jex, when do you think a lady’s the prettiest?
Jxmn: ala my sassy girl?
Liezl: yeah
Jxmn: *thinks*
Jxmn: I agree with what gyeon woo said. I think a girl’s at her best and at her loveliest when she’s playing an instrument with all her heart and with all her soul – like a piano or a violin or drums.
Liezl: what about when she’s naked? Or in a bed having sex?
Jxmn: I don’t believe in sex. I only believe in making love. Nowadays, people do it for all the wrong reasons. They thought that it’s the in-thing or a fad or machismo stuff, but it’s not. It’s the greatest gift that you can ever give to the one you love. Being whole and feeling your whole being – sharing that to your someone and letting him/her in to your soul.
Liezl: the righteous one, I see
Jxmn: not really. I just don’t want to do it for the wrong reason.
Liezl: alam mo ba na in this age, in this generation, nobody talks like that anymore.
Jxmn: yeah! I know.
Liezl: how do you do it?!
Jxmn: do what?!
Liezl: how come when I look into your eyes, you make me feel that you’re mine!? You make me feel as if I am the only one you see, that I am the only girl for you?! That all of those words are only meant for me and me alone!?
Jxmn: *utter silence*
Jxmn: I’m good with words. It’s what I do best.
Liezl: so I noticed. But tell me now, am I beautiful?
Jxmn: *took one more gulp and finally finished the 1 can of redhorse*
Jxmn: gab……

v5:leukemia - prologue

edits: none

“what are you doing topak!? You’re lucky am not there! I would’ve smashed your head against the wall so you can finally sleep. Please naman, get some rest dude”

- text from boss.tina




“dude are you insane!? Seriously, for how many hours/days have you been awake? How many hours do you plan ba!?”

– chat from ser.valefor

“ang worry ko e ikaw. This is very unlikely of you and I know for a fact that this is not who you are. Napaka-negative mo. What happened? This is not you. I can see that you’re trying but I know deep inside na sad ka”

– chat log from masi

I decided to make a prologue entry to the imminent release of my v5. What is v5 all about!? Hhmm… v5 doesn’t signify the demise of v4:rebellion but rather its metamorphosis – an amplification of raw rage, the anticipation of the things looming over that blurred line of living and whatnot. I don’t wanna put too much detail into this entry because frankly, the caption tells it all.

After many sundowns and moonless nights, who would’ve thought that it will all come down to this…

“Leukemia (British/Canadian English: leukaemia) (Greek leukos λευκός, "white"; aima αίμα, "blood") is a cancer of the blood or bone marrow and is characterized by an abnormal proliferation (production by multiplication) of blood cells, usually white blood cells (leukocytes). Leukemia is a broad term covering a spectrum of diseases. In turn, it is part of the even broader group of diseases called hematological neoplasms.”
– wikipedia.org

Initially, it was supposed to be v5:premature leukemia but it kinda sucks.


“enough said. Go figure”
– quote from boks